By Setareh Kiumarsi
Self-care during days of sorrow
When grief suddenly knocks on your door and enters your heart without permission…
When the kind body of someone who was a part of your soul is taken from you without warning, laid to rest in the soil…
When you find yourself craving the touch of their hands, the unique scent of their skin, their loving gaze and voice, every second of the day and night…
In these moments, it feels as though an ocean of sorrow is pressing down on your chest. Your head feels heavy, a lump forms in your throat over and over, you feel suffocated, and even breathing becomes difficult.
In such a state, significant blockages often arise in the fourth (heart – Anahata) and fifth (throat – Vishuddha) chakras. The body’s natural response in this condition is to try to release this heavy burden through crying, wailing, or even screaming. Every time you cry, it feels like that lump in your throat gets a little smaller. So, in the early days of grief, these reactions are what help us, they allow the blocked chakras to take a breath and begin to open up.
But when the initial noise dies down, the ceremonies end, and the people around you start to leave…
With every little reminder and memory woven into your daily life, a deep sorrow slowly takes root within you.
Remember… Don’t suppress the grief. Don’t deny it. Don’t hide it. Instead, hold it. Feel it fully. Live through it.
Little by little, it will begin to ease, and light and hope can take its place once again.
Often, the hardest events in life can transform into the most meaningful ones. They can help cleanse the darkness and impurities that have taken root in various layers of our being over many years, replacing them with light, clarity, and purity.
It only takes acceptance, time, and patience to realize that sometimes, the greatest tragedy is actually the greatest gift.
Self-care is essential during this time.
But what is self-care, and how can we care for our body and soul during grief so they don’t break down completely?
When we cry continuously over many days, the water element in our upper body becomes severely depleted.
You’ve probably heard mourners say, “I’ve cried so much, I’ve run dry… I want to cry more, but there are no tears left.”
This extreme dryness in the head and chest can cause symptoms like headaches, insomnia, anxiety, restlessness, heart palpitations, and feelings of emptiness or meaninglessness.
Step One: Rehydrate the Body
How?
Warmth and Moisture
Expose your body to heat and moisture: take long hot showers once or twice a day, soak in a warm bath for 15 minutes, or steam your face with a hot towel over your head while taking deep breaths.
For best results, add a few drops of lavender or rosemary essential oil to the water.
Oil Massage (Abhyanga)
Apply oil to your body— especially on your chest, shoulders, and neck— using a 50/50 mix of sweet almond oil and coconut oil.
Ideally, give yourself an Abhyanga massage 15 minutes before your shower (search “Abhyanga Self Massage” on Google or YouTube for guidance).
Nasal Lubrication
Several times a day, apply a little sweet almond oil inside your nostrils.
Maintaining Internal Moisture
Regular Sleep
Try to regulate your sleep. Insomnia and irregular sleep worsen emotional imbalance, sadness, anxiety, and restlessness.
Before bed, take 15 minutes of steam inhalation, massage your feet with oil, and oil your nostrils.
Soupy Foods
Eat warm, soupy meals once or twice a day. A bowl of hot soup will help replenish internal moisture.
If you’re vegetarian, add a couple of tablespoons of yogurt to your soup to make a yogurt-based soup.
If you’re not vegetarian, make your soup using bone broth or chicken stock.
Digestive Lassi
Drink digestive lassi two or three times daily (you can find a recipe here).
Avoid Drying Stimulants
Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, and caffeinated foods and drinks (like coffee, tea, chocolate, etc.).
These substances are drying and overstimulate the nervous system, which may temporarily uplift you but ultimately deepen your imbalance.
Instead, switch to calming herbal teas (you can find some recipes in the Ayurvedic Persian cooking section).
Self-care isn’t just for the body. Don’t forget the soul…
In addition to caring for the body, your spirit and inner being need attention.
Breathe Deeply
With correct breathing, you fill yourself with prana— the life force.
Prana becomes awareness through breath. Take deep, conscious breaths often.
Also, practice Nadi Shodhana (alternate nostril breathing) at least 12 times daily (look for videos or ask a yoga teacher for guidance).
Meditate
Choose the meditation that works for you: prayer, mindfulness, going to church, walking in nature— anything that brings peace.
If possible, meditate with guidance from an expert to help open your Anahata (heart) and Vishuddha (throat) chakras.
Create Quiet Space
Ask those around you to give you space for healing.
Constant visits, condolences, or shared crying may not help. They keep you immersed in the pain.
Trust your own inner healing power and focus all remaining energy on restoring your own inner light.
And finally, open your heart to hope…
When grief comes… taste it… live it fully…
But don’t underestimate the light of hope.
Keep your heart open to brightness— so that gradually, light will once again fill your chest, and life will smile back at your face.
The following passage was written by my kind husband, Ashkan Rezvani Naraghi, after the Ukrainian plane crash in Tehran on January 8, 2020, and was posted on his Instagram page.
If his words—and this post I’ve written for you—rekindle even a small spark of hope in your heart… then rise. Rise up for the betterment of your world and those around you.
“There is pain. There is sorrow. There is rage. There is pressure… But there is also hope. Hope in ourselves, hope in our own effort, hope to rise, hope to rebuild… I am sad, but I won’t let the waves of grief drown me. I am tired, but I won’t give up. I am weak, but I will build. I will try to feel better and help others feel better. Even if it’s just one person. I will stand, and I will try, to the last drop of my strength— even if the sea of sorrow swallows everything around me.”
Please be sure to credit the author, Setareh Kiumarsi, when sharing or republishing this article, which was written with love and the hope of well-being for all.
